It is tough to open your heart and mind to REALLY listen to what God has to tell you, where He wants you to go in your life... especially if it is something that you may not want to do. I am in a funk. God tells me in all the signs that I am to show people what it means to be a Christian.. to guide His children to Him. To be honest, I know that there is a lot that I have no idea about, and I am praying that He can send me some answers. I have been trying to follow what He wants me to do, and I know that I slip up. It is hard not to when I am only human.
I know that God wants me to be happy... so why am I feeling like I am put to the test all the time? Why am I so unhappy in my marriage? Why do I have lack of trust and love for my husband? I know that it is all for a reason, I am an impatient woman and have a hard time waiting for that reason to be revealed. I pray that I can be patient and not jump to instant results. My mind and my heart are not working together so well right now. That can be a problem!
These kind of days remind me that I have to work on my faith daily... life is not easy, my job is not easy. I tend to put more on my plate than I can chew, and eventually realize that I have not been listening to what God wants me to do. In a previous post, I stated that I am going back to school. I have just had a door close in my face when it comes to this. I am not getting the state grant that I was hoping for to help pay for this, so I have decided that this isn't in my plans. Just after I made this decision, Enraptured Embrace came about. (My sisters and I have started a non-profit organization that will provide quilts made from lost loved ones to the bereaved family & friends. In light of our family losses the past year, this helps us as well. Our organization is called Enraptured Embrace and we can be found on Facebook :) It has been very uplifting to be involved in something like this with my best friends, my sisters. If you or anyone that you know would be interested in such a service, you can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org . )
Maybe this is what I was supposed to do, and took directions from God in the opposite direction. His message wasn't about ME, it was about OTHERS, and their need to be comforted.
I feel a little better about not going back to school now. Now that I have EE to move forward with. I have been too unsure if school was the right thing, and listened to my brain instead of my heart.
I hope and pray that I am right.
God Bless you and thank you for reading!