Hello, all. I am hoping that this blog entry will come out more positive than I am feeling today. If not, I apologise in advance.
Today, well everyday, should be a great day. I am alive and well. I should be more grateful for that. However, it is not such a great day. Honestly I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Stress is getting the best of me, and I am letting it. I should be GIVING IT TO GOD... why can't I??
I decided to go to my old job to pick up my things today. I knew that I would have to do it at some point, and thought it wouldn't be as hard as it was. Seeing the kids, my co workers... seeing my 2 year old son playing in the only place that has been (besides home) for his short little life. He (and I) miss it so much. Acen didn't want to leave, and to be honest, I didn't either. I wanted to go back into my classroom and work. I wanted to joke around with my co workers and play with my preschoolers. Instead, I packed up a few boxes, loaded them in my car, and said my goodbyes. Now I sit here, upset and trying not to get upset with my 2 young children as they play when they should be eating their lunch. Ugh, life can throw curve balls when you least expect it~
I am also worried. A very close family friend suffered a brain aneurysm on Wednesday night, had surgery last night, and is in critical condition in ICU. I worry about her children... they need their mom! GIVE IT TO GOD. How I am struggling with that! I have been praying non-stop for her, her family and friends. I just feel so lost! Praying is all I can do, I know that it is the best thing that I can do for someone... I just want to do more.
It seems as though everything is coming down crashing on me right now... maybe another test of my faith. I pray that I can get through these tests with more faith than I had 2 days ago. I pray that I can stop my stress and worries before it effects others. I pray that God can give me the strength to KNOW that he is taking care of all the situations in my life... to be reassured of His great love for me.
As I type these prayers, I can feel a calm coming over me (even though my kids are now screaming at each other ;)).
Today is rough... but I know that it will get better.
My title of this post, Just Do It. The Nike slogan. It makes me think... When we are inspired to do something, do we JUST DO IT? I am a thinker, I tend to really dig into things before I leap. Is this the right thing to do?? When I decided to go back to school, I jumped head first into it, and look how that turned out. I wound up dropping my classes days before class started. With my job, I was told that I either had to pay an incredible amount of my monthly income for childcare, or quit my job... I quit that day. Now look, I am hurting from that decision. Maybe I should have put more thought into those decisions before I made them... or maybe not. Perhaps God was leading me down this path (like I said in the previous post), and I did the right thing at the right time. I am too unsure as of today, as my mind is reeling all of the possibilities, and impossibilities???
Luke 1:37 "For nothing is impossible with God.”
((SIGH OF RELIEF))
God, I need you. I need to be shown what I should be doing in this life... am I doing the right thing? I feel so down, please pick me up. It is in JESUS' name that I pray, I praise. AMEN.
My God bless the path that you are on, and thank you for reading.